Could an extra hour or two of sleep be just as beneficial for your health as exercise? That’s what the findings from an American Journal of Epidemiology study suggest. Unfortunately, if I want to lose enough pounds to achieve an ideal body weight, I’ll have to snooze for a long time—like, say, maybe until my mattress disintegrates.
According to the study results, women who get fewer than seven hours of shuteye per night are more likely to gain weight in midlife than those who catch additional winks. Female participants who slept only five hours per night gained at least 33 pounds more over the course of the 16-year study.
This confirms what I’ve always suspected: Men ought to leave us gals alone and let us get some rest!
I decided maybe these findings explain why some women, though certainly not any in my family, never gain weight regardless of what they eat.
Here’s what I’m going to do the next time I’m out and I see one of those scrawny, size-2 waifs. I’m going to race right up to her, lean in close, and yell, “WAKE UP!”
Okay, you’re probably thinking that I’m jealous of adult ladies who can shop in the junior departments. But that’s not it. I have nothing against being thin. In fact, I’d probably be a single-digit size myself if I didn’t have such a major problem with chronic hunger.
Apparently, I’m not alone. Nearly 70 percent of the U.S. population is now considered overweight or obese (depending on whether you ask them or someone else). The rest of us, I guess, are either movie stars, in rehab, or both.
Folks, this is a crisis!
It’s time to declare a National Nap Day. Maybe we could name Al Gore as our Sleep Czar. I know he’s a bit preoccupied with global warming right now. But all this extra flab we’re carrying (including his) is further heating up our planet!
Something must be done to save our blubbery lot because obesity can lead to hypertension, Type 2 diabetes, and, quite possibly, online dating. If help doesn’t arrive soon, virtual romance could become the only kind anyone is capable of having.
Even many of today’s toddlers are enormously hefty. I read a recent advertisement for a child safety seat that said the device was suitable “for children 30 to 100 pounds.” One hundred pounds? I wasn’t that heavy in high school!
A recent study found that the number of children requiring surgery to reduce their obesity has tripled. Researchers expect 1,000 kids to need the surgery within the next 12 months.
But most of the focus seems to be on individual BMI (body mass index) rather than actual load. And this is where I get confused. BMI is based on an individual’s height and weight. Since I’m shrinking as I age, it stands to reason that my BMI will automatically increase even if I don’t gain another ounce.
I went to ObesityinAmerica.org and used its BMI calculator to prove this point. At 5’ 4”, the height I used to be, my BMI is on the cusp between normal and overweight. After losing an inch in stature (which, by the way, I’ve yet to find), my BMI has risen by an additional .8, now making it mandatory that I hang red caution flags from my jeans’ hip pockets.
Still, I’m lighter than the average American adult female, who happens to be as tall as me but weighs in at 164 pounds. And that’s before makeup.
Hence, I’m all for anything that will reduce my rump roast to a lean fillet, even if that means sleeping on the job and ... Zzz-zzz-zzz ... snort, snort ... Zzz-zzz-zzz ....
Oh, sorry about that. I hope you didn’t mind that I took a little break. It was time for my booty rest.